Damn! I got Fat!

Welcome to my Blog!  Today is the first day of my experiment, I will try to update it daily but I'm sure that I'll miss a day here and there.  I hope you will check in periodically to see how I'm doing and give me shit if I falter.

So what is this experiment?  Simple.  Over the last 20 or so years, I have slowly been packing on the pounds, yesterday I stepped on the scale and the display read 250lbs.  Holy shit, I'm fat!  My head is so fucking big when I'm "down the shore" I effect the tides!  I could swear that my head has it's own moons!  My penis?  Haven't seen it in a while, I miss the little guy!  I'm now going to drop 50 of those pounds in a healthy and sustainable way.

I love food!  I really love good beer!  Over the years I've tried many, many diets and lost weight only to put it back on and then some.  I was a classic Yo-Yo dieter.  I've eaten tons of frozen card board boxes..er...the crap that was in the boxes.  So, I decided to start reading about nutrition and how the body does the voodoo that it does so well.

I'm NOT a doctor, nutritionist or procologist, nor do I play one on TV.  What I am is a fat guy who does not want to be fat any more!  I do not profess to know shit about anything.  If you choose to do what I am doing, do so at your own peril.  Okay, I'm done with the CYA.


Apparently there are several metabolic types, finding out which one you are helps you figure out what you should and should not be eating.  I took several different "tests" and each one listed me as a "protein" type.  Basically that means I like steak and cheese more than fish and pastry.  Yep, that's me!  Give me a prime NY strip (medium rare, please) and a wedge salad with bleu cheese and bacon bits and I'm fat dumb and happy.  I really need to change two of those!


Further reading brought about this stunning tidbit of information "sugar will make you fat"  There's a fucking shocker!  No shit?  Sugar make you gain weight?  But I eat very little sugar... WRONG!  We all know that soda, which I drink very infrequently, is loaded with sugar (around eight and a half teaspoons per can.  Try adding that much sugar to a 12 ounce glass of water and drink it) but did you know that "diet" frozen meals are loaded with it?  Below is a list of ingredients from a popular diet frozen chicken meal:


COOKED CHICKEN TENDERLOINS (CHICKEN TENDERLOINS, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, WATER, CORN OIL, MODIFIED CORNSTARCH, LEMON JUICE CONCENTRATE, SODIUM PHOSPHATES, SALT, CARAMEL COLOR, POTASSIUM CHLORIDE, GARLIC, ONION, PAPRIKA, SPICE), WATER, BLANCHED ENRICHED LONG GRAIN PARBOILED RICE (WATER, RICE, IRON, NIACIN, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, FOLIC ACID), GREEN BEANS, MUSHROOMS, ONIONS, 2% OR LESS OF BLANCHED WILD RICE, MODIFIED CORNSTARCH, SUGAR, SALT, CULTURED WHEY, CHICKEN FAT, LEMON JUICE CONCENTRATE, CARAMEL COLOR, DEHYDRATED ONIONS, SPICES, DEHYDRATED GARLIC, PAPRIKA.


How about an English Muffin?


Unbleached Enriched Wheat Flour [Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Reduced Iron, Niacin, Thiamin Mononitrate (Vitamin B1)Riboflavin (Vitamin B2)Folic Acid]Water, Farina, Yeast, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Nonfat Milk, Salt, Soybean Oil, Preservatives (Calcium Propionate, Sorbic Acid)Soy Flour, Grain Vinegar, Monoglycerides, Whey, Soy Lecithin.


So my first rule is:  Don't eat prepared food that contains sugar.  Okay then 99% of food is off limits... or not? True, I will have to stop eating prepared, prepackaged, chain restaurant foods but truth be told most of them suck in the first place.  Not that I saying it will be easy, it wont.


Rule Two:  Don't eat anything with a listed ingredient that is not instantly recognizable by a four year old.  Sodium aluminum phosphate, what the fuck is that!  Beats me but it is in a popular frozen pizza.


Rule Three:  Drink less, with the goal of going for days without a drink.  Yep!  I drink too fucking much!  I have several beers and usually a few vodka's on the rocks, every day.  Shit if I just cut my drinking in half, I'd loose weight!  Stress is a bitch!  Stress has been my excuse.  Well no longer will I use it as an excuse for drinking.


Rule Four:  Drink more.  Several sources seem to agree that a good rule of thumb for figuring out your daily intake of water is take your weight in pounds, in my case 250 of them, divide it by two.  In my case that is 125.  That is how many ounces of water you should drink every day... minimum.  More if you drink caffeine or alcohol. 


Rule Five:  Exercise.  I'm pretty strong but if I run up a flight of stairs I'm out of breath.  I'm starting out by walking and the adding cycling and finally hitting the weights. 


Well, that's enough for today.  Check in tomorrow!


Regards,
Bald Bill